Indy 500 *Live*

Ok… so I’m playing catch up now. Damn real life scheduling a meeting on the morning of the race. Gah! ooooooh! Awesome fucking camera shot there!!! Alright, where was I… so ya, had to work this morning, slept in, had time to throw on clothes and run out the door. (literally was awoken by my boss saying “I’m about a minute away” oops.) So, didn’t manage to set my PVR for anything. Missed the F1 race completely, missed the start of the race, ran in the door on lap 12 I think.

Anyway, here I am, lap 33. Looks like everyone is still running. Bruno had mirror issues. (poor bastard and his shitty luck). Sarah had a brain fart and spun herself on the yellow, tossing her back to the back of the pack.

1:45pm – Lap 36
Oh Damn… Graham Rahal finds the wall coming out of turn 4. No story book finish for one of the pedigreed ones. Holy crap that was a hard hit. He’s out and fine. Next year buddy… next year.

1:49pm – Pit stops
The princess had a bad stop, and they tried to Bar-B-Q AJ Foyt IV. Dayum, If I were him I’d be trying to figure out who I had pissed off on the crew as they have been trying to cook him all month.

1:55pm – still under yellow
They are trying to clean off Foyt’s car and putting him back out there (get out the basting brush…)
Graham is cleared, turns out Daddy’s driver was the cause of Graham’s wreck… nice

1:59pm – Lap 45
Green green green! Apparently we don’t care who is leading, it’s all about the princess winning 13th… 🙄
The TCGR boys are duking it out with each other, and Ka-nose is going along for the ride.
Going into the commercial break (or Danica pimping products/self break) the top five are:
Andretti (does he get “the call” this year?)

2:08pm – Lap 58 – back from commercial
Damn, I love that overhead pitlane camera shot. The crowd looks massive! I’ve not watched for years, so I have no gauge as to improved attendance or not, but they seem to be unafraid of showing the stands, so it must be good.

2:09pm – lap 60 – Caution 3
Marty Roth runs out of talent *mocks surprise* (could be moving chicane Lazier’s fault)
Twinkle toes ran over debris, snapped his front wing. Love how the crack broadcasting team of fucking talking heads are trying to compare the “preparation” of Penske vs DCR. Unfucking believable. Not even going to bother going into it. God I hate these guys.

2:30pm – still under caution.
Buddy Rice clips Manning in the pits (seriously these guys are like the fucking Keystone Cops when it comes to pit stops)
Hey Marty, nice bald spot dude! (explain to me again why Jay Howard isn’t in the car?)
Still cleaning the track… Back to commercial

2:24pm – Lap 69 -still under caution
blah blah blah… Dixon/Wheldon teammates helping each other… hmmm… 300,000+ in attendance apparently.

2:29pm – Lap 73
Green green green (lets see how long this lasts…)

2:34pm – Lap 80 – Yellow #4
Apparently 7 laps…
Camara runs out of talent (surprised it took him this long to be honest) Hits the wall not once, but twice. (hey, go big or go home right?)(or in this case go big AND go home)
Clean up, commercial, blah blah blah (geesh, I rushed home for this???)

2:42pm – Pit stops
The Princess picks up 2 spots (getting around RHR) Everyone else clean. Boring. back to commercial.
*looks longing outside thinking perhaps I should go for a walk…)

2:46pm – still under caution
Camara gives a shout out to his sponsor while describing the crash and track conditions.
The princess is whining about something…
Now were talking to the princesses crew chief…
I’m out of beer… damn.
yay, Nascar commercial!!! LOL!

2:55pm – Lap 92
back from commercial, cheesy promo (vomit)
Green green green
Kanose has become the filling in the TCGR sammich… er, wow, takes the lead and pulls away.

3:11pm – *interjection of personal opinion*
the timing and scoring on sucks donkey balls. Fuck. It crashes my fucking browser everytime. Just give me simple, html, timing. That’s all I need. Fuckers.

3:12pm – Under caution (surprise surprise)
lets see… just after Kanose took the lead, Tile Teeth started to fade and Andretti the lesser and Scheckter slingshotted by. Went to commercial.
Come back from commercial, Kanose is in the wall, Sarah Fisher is in the wall, Whindretti looks pissed and has nothing to say in explanation.
Andretti the lesser made a move on Kanose, taking his air and forcing him into the marbles and the wall, after which Fisher, with no where to go, collected him.

3:14pm – Poor Kanose. Can’t win for losing. He’s pissed at his teammate (rightly so) but has nothing but sympathy for Sarah Fisher. (apparently she was sobbing in the ambulance on the way to the medical centre)

3:19pm – still under caution
while playing a pre-taped clip of the drivers talking about focus, we come back live to Jeff Simmons driving into the wall under caution… BWHAHAHAHA!
This is a tiresome race… enough with the cautions! 49 yellow flag laps… zzzzzzzzzzzz

3:23pm – back from commercial
Sarah Fisher is breaking my heart…

Green green green.
Servia turns into a wild man! Go get the Princess!!! LOL

Andretti the lesser is in second. If this arrogant little prick gets the call, I may rethink my coverage of IndyCar. It’s too damn obvious.

3:27pm – 79 laps to go
Andretti the lesser takes the lead. I can feel the bile building up in the back of my throat.
Come on Snotty! Get him!

3:35pm – 68 laps to go
Justin Wilson into the wall. Not much damage to the car. Rear wing knocked off and dragging.
Ass end slipped out on him and spun him around, slid across the grass and hit the inside wall.
He’s out and headed for the mandatory medical centre clearance check. Disappointing.

3:39pm – pit stops
Come on Snotty, clean stop, get the little bastard. Ugh… oh well, get him on the restart.
Ed Carpenter runs out of talent in the pits. Gear shift issues. Welcome to the back of the pack Ed.

3:41pm – under caution…
Mario Moraes is in the lead!!! bwahahahahahaha!! I love Dale Coyne!! He does this with his young protege’s to give them a since of pride and confidence! Go Mario Go! (the restart could be sketchy however)

3:44pm – under caution
Justin Wilson is fine. Was experimenting with his lines. Apparently the experiment failed.
The Princess is whining again… Apparently she’s sloooooooooooow.

3:45pm – 61 laps to go
Green green green!
Mario Moraes is being picked off one by one, no surprise. Bless his rookie heart that must be in his throat right now. Almost kisses the wall.
Snotty gets the lesser on the re-start. Come on Snotty!!!

3:53pm – 50 to go
Mario Moraes has white walled the tires again, and is driving waaaaaaaaaaay off the pace. (likely will be parked)

3:55pm – Lap 145 – Caution out – Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Dayum! Lloyd into the wall out of turn 4 then careens across the track and down pitlane. Miraculously no one else is collected or injured. Lloyd is out and fine.
Do you think that the pit crews are rethinking their professions this month???
Commercial for clean up.

4:00pm – still under caution
Pitlane is now open. Dixon out first. Andretti the lesser lost 2 more positions.

4:02pm – side by side
Wheldon looks like he’s having problems, Sheckter is out!! Oh major suckage!!!! Broken drive shaft! He was running 3rd! Heartbreak!

4:06pm – 41 laps to go
They completely miss the restart interviewing Lloyd.
Vitor Meira takes the lead!! (where the hell did he come from??)
Top 5:
Twinkle toes
the lesser

4:09pm – 37 laps to go
Um… when did Viso go out? How is Milk&Donuts still running?

4:12pm – lap 169 – caution
oops spoke to soon… LOL! Milk&Donuts just spun herself out. Actually, looks like Lazier squeezed down on her. (shouldn’t he have been black flagged yet??) No contact but her day is done me thinks.

4:16pm – 30 to go – Pit stops
Dixon takes the lead. OOOH… someone took out the Princess! Briscoe!
Briscoe will probably get back on track. The Princess loses her right rear suspension.
Add some more tempertantrumwheelslapping to the highlight reel.
On the bright side, we don’t have to listen to anymore bullshit about her for the rest of the race…
BWAHAHAHAHA…. I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.

4:16pm – Lap174 – side by side
Oh man! LOL Princess pissy pants is storming through the pits. LOL! She was heading down to Briscoe. Then got cut off by security and sent back to her own pits, chased by media, pushing people out of the way. BWAHAHAHA!

4:23pm – Green green green – 23 laps to go

4:34pm – 8 to go
Andretti the lesser got by Twinkle Toes, trying to catch Meira. I can’t see Meira letting him by. He wants a win too badly, especially this one.

4:38pm – 3 to go
Meira is on Dixon’s tail. oops… wiggle.
Dixon clear
Meira clear

4:40pm – white flag
Dixon on the backstretch, cleared the lapped traffic! Come on Snotty!!!

Yay Scotty!!!!!

Ok seriously, WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PRINCESS! God damnit! enough already!!

Post race:
So happy for Dixon.
The lesser needs to just shut up.
Vitor… you’ll get a win this year buddy. Keep at it!
Helio, always with a smile! LOL
The media really needs to get over their boner for the Princess.

Ok… off to write this up into something more politically correct … *snicker*

13 responses to “Indy 500 *Live*

  1. Some thoughts… crowd was unbelievable. At the start the whole place looked packed. Betcha there are some folks who are pissed that empty-grandstand-spotting is no longer PC… hahaha…

    Buddy Lazier should hang them up. Rolling chicane all day and a legitimate danger to others.

    Marty… pfff…

    Sarah Fisher… hard not to feel for her… desperate to try and regain her pre-IndyCar confidence and failing miserably, then getting shafted by her sponsor and destroying her only car against Kanaan’s… hell, I’d be sobbing too.

    I was going to say that Milka surprisingly wasn’t at fault for her spin-and-out, but then I realized that after Buddy tried to turn her into a lawn mower she was so panicked she drover HERSELF into the grass. Duh.

    Danica… hah. I know her Nazi PR bitch and laughed my ass off watching her trying to look tough for the press. Only thing funnier than Danica storming down to the Penske pits to try and take on Briscoe. ‘Course, right now I’m so sick of the name Danica I could horf.

    Poor Vitor.

  2. Gary McDonald

    G’day Meesh, well us Aussies sure know how to knock a Princess from her mantle….I take it that my fellow Sydney-native in Mr. Briscoe is now your favorite driver????

  3. LOL! I’m just one of many new members of the Ryan Briscoe Appreciation Society. I’d be the president of his club if they had allowed the little bitch to get to his car and he clocked her when she shoved him…

    oops… was that my outer voice?

  4. Michael Knight had the best insight to this that I have read so far.

    “As for her PR “handlers,” I’d say this: Watch a tape of the 1996 CART race in Vancouver. Danica should never have been allowed to take more than a few steps in Briscoe’s direction. If that means physical restraint, so be it.”

    His whole blog is a great read. He also has a nice entry on how somethings never change at Indy. I guess the yellow shirts were out in action during the weekend.

  5. Damn he’s early again this week! I Love his blog! It’s my Tuesday morning over coffee read!

    I may have to scurry over there now that I know it’s up…. damn… LOL!

  6. Maybe the PR people wanted exactly what happened: why would they stop The Show when they could drum up a ton of publicity? I’d guess they want to stop her from hitting someone again, but having her march down pit road is exactly what everyone in the seats and all the media wanted to see. Maybe the PR people aren’t out of their league.

    One angle that no one is talking about is her gender – here, I think this matters. Other (male) drivers are put in a no-win situation by being physically accosted by a woman (swing away, Sarah and Milko!). She can hit you but you can’t do anything back to her. That is wrong. It sounds like The Captain was prepared for the event by telling Briscoe to put his visor down to avoid any interaction with her. It is an unfair situation.

  7. I personally hope that whomever she accosts in the future, gives as good as he gets. You want to be treated equally… get ready sweetheart, cause you’re gonna cross the line soon, and someone is going to to push back.

    If she wanted to storm around like a prima donna, who gives a fuck, as long as she is on the other side of the wall. What she did was not only poor sportsmanship, it was also dangerous and against the rules. Walking down a hot pit with your back to oncoming traffic??? Give me a fucking break. Someone should have picked up her petulant little ass and tossed her over the wall.

    What role model… NOT.

  8. She punches someone, it’s “spunk.” Someone punches her, it’s a lawsuit.


  9. Meesh you crack me up. LOL I could not read this at work with out everyone watching me laugh, loudly.
    A few comments.
    Did any one else see when Lloyd hit the turn 4 wall and then spun into pit lane he hit the pit lane speed limit indicator. It read 96 MPH on impact.
    The Princess had the left-rear broken not the right as you indicated. But I blew it off as an oval rookie comment. 🙂
    Add to your comments that the longest green flag period was 19 laps. This definitely messed the rhythm and cars that needed long runs to be balanced.
    Too bad John Andretti didn’t have seat time because he may have been a factor.
    Did you hear the Princess being warned about blocking?
    So what was going through Michael Andretti’s mind as we watched him viewing the Kanaan shunt on the monitor?

  10. Oh, and I forgot to chime in with a poor Vitor, too. Damn, that would have been a nice first win. Those guys were really punching above their weight.

  11. Maybe it was just me, but wasn’t the national anthem awesome. Most of the people in my section were clapping and scream half way through the song.

    The crowd was huge. The race was great. I can’t wait for next year.

  12. It was just you. Julianne Hough turned it into a terrible, terrible couintry song.

  13. Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Unexploited.

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