Ok… so I’m playing catch up now. Damn real life scheduling a meeting on the morning of the race. Gah! ooooooh! Awesome fucking camera shot there!!! Alright, where was I… so ya, had to work this morning, slept in, had time to throw on clothes and run out the door. (literally was awoken by my boss saying “I’m about a minute away” oops.) So, didn’t manage to set my PVR for anything. Missed the F1 race completely, missed the start of the race, ran in the door on lap 12 I think.
Anyway, here I am, lap 33. Looks like everyone is still running. Bruno had mirror issues. (poor bastard and his shitty luck). Sarah had a brain fart and spun herself on the yellow, tossing her back to the back of the pack.
1:45pm – Lap 36
Oh Damn… Graham Rahal finds the wall coming out of turn 4. No story book finish for one of the pedigreed ones. Holy crap that was a hard hit. He’s out and fine. Next year buddy… next year.
1:49pm – Pit stops
The princess had a bad stop, and they tried to Bar-B-Q AJ Foyt IV. Dayum, If I were him I’d be trying to figure out who I had pissed off on the crew as they have been trying to cook him all month.
1:55pm – still under yellow
They are trying to clean off Foyt’s car and putting him back out there (get out the basting brush…)
Graham is cleared, turns out Daddy’s driver was the cause of Graham’s wreck… nice
1:59pm – Lap 45
Green green green! Apparently we don’t care who is leading, it’s all about the princess winning 13th… 🙄
The TCGR boys are duking it out with each other, and Ka-nose is going along for the ride.
Going into the commercial break (or Danica pimping products/self break) the top five are:
Andretti (does he get “the call” this year?)
2:08pm – Lap 58 – back from commercial
Damn, I love that overhead pitlane camera shot. The crowd looks massive! I’ve not watched for years, so I have no gauge as to improved attendance or not, but they seem to be unafraid of showing the stands, so it must be good.
2:09pm – lap 60 – Caution 3
Marty Roth runs out of talent *mocks surprise* (could be moving chicane Lazier’s fault)
Twinkle toes ran over debris, snapped his front wing. Love how the crack broadcasting team of fucking talking heads are trying to compare the “preparation” of Penske vs DCR. Unfucking believable. Not even going to bother going into it. God I hate these guys.
2:30pm – still under caution.
Buddy Rice clips Manning in the pits (seriously these guys are like the fucking Keystone Cops when it comes to pit stops)
Hey Marty, nice bald spot dude! (explain to me again why Jay Howard isn’t in the car?)
Still cleaning the track… Back to commercial
2:24pm – Lap 69 -still under caution
blah blah blah… Dixon/Wheldon teammates helping each other… hmmm… 300,000+ in attendance apparently.
2:29pm – Lap 73
Green green green (lets see how long this lasts…)
2:34pm – Lap 80 – Yellow #4
Apparently 7 laps…
Camara runs out of talent (surprised it took him this long to be honest) Hits the wall not once, but twice. (hey, go big or go home right?)(or in this case go big AND go home)
Clean up, commercial, blah blah blah (geesh, I rushed home for this???)
2:42pm – Pit stops
The Princess picks up 2 spots (getting around RHR) Everyone else clean. Boring. back to commercial.
*looks longing outside thinking perhaps I should go for a walk…)
2:46pm – still under caution
Camara gives a shout out to his sponsor while describing the crash and track conditions.
The princess is whining about something…
Now were talking to the princesses crew chief…
I’m out of beer… damn.
yay, Nascar commercial!!! LOL!
2:55pm – Lap 92
back from commercial, cheesy promo (vomit)
Green green green
Kanose has become the filling in the TCGR sammich… er, wow, takes the lead and pulls away.
3:11pm – *interjection of personal opinion*
the timing and scoring on IndyCar.com sucks donkey balls. Fuck. It crashes my fucking browser everytime. Just give me simple, html, timing. That’s all I need. Fuckers.
3:12pm – Under caution (surprise surprise)
lets see… just after Kanose took the lead, Tile Teeth started to fade and Andretti the lesser and Scheckter slingshotted by. Went to commercial.
Come back from commercial, Kanose is in the wall, Sarah Fisher is in the wall, Whindretti looks pissed and has nothing to say in explanation.
Andretti the lesser made a move on Kanose, taking his air and forcing him into the marbles and the wall, after which Fisher, with no where to go, collected him.
3:14pm – Poor Kanose. Can’t win for losing. He’s pissed at his teammate (rightly so) but has nothing but sympathy for Sarah Fisher. (apparently she was sobbing in the ambulance on the way to the medical centre)
3:19pm – still under caution
while playing a pre-taped clip of the drivers talking about focus, we come back live to Jeff Simmons driving into the wall under caution… BWHAHAHAHA!
This is a tiresome race… enough with the cautions! 49 yellow flag laps… zzzzzzzzzzzz
3:23pm – back from commercial
Sarah Fisher is breaking my heart…
Green green green.
Servia turns into a wild man! Go get the Princess!!! LOL
Andretti the lesser is in second. If this arrogant little prick gets the call, I may rethink my coverage of IndyCar. It’s too damn obvious.
3:27pm – 79 laps to go
Andretti the lesser takes the lead. I can feel the bile building up in the back of my throat.
Come on Snotty! Get him!
3:35pm – 68 laps to go
Justin Wilson into the wall. Not much damage to the car. Rear wing knocked off and dragging.
Ass end slipped out on him and spun him around, slid across the grass and hit the inside wall.
He’s out and headed for the mandatory medical centre clearance check. Disappointing.
3:39pm – pit stops
Come on Snotty, clean stop, get the little bastard. Ugh… oh well, get him on the restart.
Ed Carpenter runs out of talent in the pits. Gear shift issues. Welcome to the back of the pack Ed.
3:41pm – under caution…
Mario Moraes is in the lead!!! bwahahahahahaha!! I love Dale Coyne!! He does this with his young protege’s to give them a since of pride and confidence! Go Mario Go! (the restart could be sketchy however)
3:44pm – under caution
Justin Wilson is fine. Was experimenting with his lines. Apparently the experiment failed.
The Princess is whining again… Apparently she’s sloooooooooooow.
3:45pm – 61 laps to go
Green green green!
Mario Moraes is being picked off one by one, no surprise. Bless his rookie heart that must be in his throat right now. Almost kisses the wall.
Snotty gets the lesser on the re-start. Come on Snotty!!!
3:53pm – 50 to go
Mario Moraes has white walled the tires again, and is driving waaaaaaaaaaay off the pace. (likely will be parked)
3:55pm – Lap 145 – Caution out – Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Dayum! Lloyd into the wall out of turn 4 then careens across the track and down pitlane. Miraculously no one else is collected or injured. Lloyd is out and fine.
Do you think that the pit crews are rethinking their professions this month???
Commercial for clean up.
4:00pm – still under caution
Pitlane is now open. Dixon out first. Andretti the lesser lost 2 more positions.
4:02pm – side by side
Wheldon looks like he’s having problems, Sheckter is out!! Oh major suckage!!!! Broken drive shaft! He was running 3rd! Heartbreak!
4:06pm – 41 laps to go
They completely miss the restart interviewing Lloyd.
Vitor Meira takes the lead!! (where the hell did he come from??)
4:09pm – 37 laps to go
Um… when did Viso go out? How is Milk&Donuts still running?
4:12pm – lap 169 – caution
oops spoke to soon… LOL! Milk&Donuts just spun herself out. Actually, looks like Lazier squeezed down on her. (shouldn’t he have been black flagged yet??) No contact but her day is done me thinks.
4:16pm – 30 to go – Pit stops
Dixon takes the lead. OOOH… someone took out the Princess! Briscoe!
Briscoe will probably get back on track. The Princess loses her right rear suspension.
Add some more tempertantrumwheelslapping to the highlight reel.
On the bright side, we don’t have to listen to anymore bullshit about her for the rest of the race…
BWAHAHAHAHA…. I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.
4:16pm – Lap174 – side by side
Oh man! LOL Princess pissy pants is storming through the pits. LOL! She was heading down to Briscoe. Then got cut off by security and sent back to her own pits, chased by media, pushing people out of the way. BWAHAHAHA!
4:23pm – Green green green – 23 laps to go
4:34pm – 8 to go
Andretti the lesser got by Twinkle Toes, trying to catch Meira. I can’t see Meira letting him by. He wants a win too badly, especially this one.
4:38pm – 3 to go
Meira is on Dixon’s tail. oops… wiggle.
4:40pm – white flag
Dixon on the backstretch, cleared the lapped traffic! Come on Snotty!!!
Ok seriously, WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PRINCESS! God damnit! enough already!!
So happy for Dixon.
The lesser needs to just shut up.
Vitor… you’ll get a win this year buddy. Keep at it!
Helio, always with a smile! LOL
The media really needs to get over their boner for the Princess.
Ok… off to write this up into something more politically correct … *snicker*