Daily Archives: August 27, 2008

Infin-ee-*yawn* the not so *live* blog…

Alright, so I was working on Sunday when the race was live via computer, so I had to depend on my DVR to tape the race at MIDNIGHT (fuck you TSN) while I slept in preparation for work the next morning. So… here is the not so live blog commentary of Sunday’s race.

So, my DVR taped for 2hrs… 12 mins in, I finally am seeing some race cars. I’m not sure yet if the race started or if this is pre-race stuff…

Ok.. so they just showed an overhead shot of what looks like a barren desert with a track in the middle of it and used the term “picturesque” to describe the track. bwhahaha! bit of a stretch there boys.

ok.. so apparently this is the 2nd pace lap. (and apparently it hasn’t rained in Sonoma County since 1972)

The theme of today’s race is apparently “all Penske, all the time!”

Here they come all lined up… sort of… Green green green! Twinkletoes looks like he was shot out of a canon. Gee, surprise, surprise, Briscoe didn’t challenge him for the lead.

OMG… were one lap in and I want to stab myself in the ear with a letter opener.

LOL Junqueira “cuts the corner” riiiiiiiight or.. how bout Wheldon squeezes him off but he recovers nicely.

Speaking of cutting corners and dirty driving, I can’t believe that they let the results stand for the Indy Lights race Sunday. Rafa snowplowed Antinucci! That was ridiculous! but I digress…
(actually that race was a lot more interesting than this one… to be truthful)

Instinctively I mute my tv and turn the sound up on my computer, but of course I don’t have the option of the IMS commentary being that it’s two days later. I want to cry… I can’t take it. Goodyear and Reid are awful. AWFUL!!! Their monotone drone is putting me into a trance. The only thing worse is the whiny drone of the car. Christ they sound particularly horrible today.

Could Monotone Marty cast any more aspersions on this race and the eventual outcome?? Made some snide remark about the start (leave that to the bloggers Martyman) now he’s using the term “hollywood ending”

commercial break: Lap 5
back from commercial: Lap 23
fuck you very much TSN

The camera work at this track is horrifyingly bad. I’m particularly impressed with the camera shot that gets blocked by the bridge each time…

“Danica also struggling with handling her race car” bwhahahaha… no shit sherlock. Why should today be any different than any other race.

Brienne is about 4 sentences away from completely losing her voice. I want to hand her a lozenge through the tv. Someone needs to teach the girl how to support her sound. (as a singer I guess I could… but would she listen?)

Ok.. the old dude doing the pit reporting (the one that’s not the Brie or Vince) is awful. Stuttering, mispronouncing names, pausing awkwardly.

OMG alert the media, Danica is coming in for a perfectly trivial pit stop!! Thank god they showed that and described it in all it’s mundane glory.

Could the ticker be any lower on the screen? Add to that the scrolling ticker on the bottom (fuck you very much again TSN) and I feel like I’m watching this race while squinting.

EJ!! You go you sweet hot young thing! (oops… was that my outer voice?)

Here here on the anonymous owner saying he would hire EJ. Damn right! You want someone who is going to go out there and race damnit! We get the EJ bumper to commercial, sweet!

commercial break: Lap 30
back from commercial: Lap 32
not bad…

The role of Sir Blocks-a-lot in tonight’s race will be played by Enrique Bernoldi

“Eric Bernoldi??” Nice. Dumbass. Wait a sec? Did Snotty just say “Jack”? Is the one making all the mistakes in pitlane who sounds about 100 yrs old Arute?? Was he drinking during the broadcast or something?! Good God man, go have a nap.

EJ doing some locks-em-up drifting in the corners! Nice save.

speaking of corners, they reeeeeeeeeeeally slow down in some of them on this track.

commercial break: Lap 35
back from commercial: Lap 36

Holy crap, that totally is Arute. He sounds AWFUL! I don’t even know (or care) what he just said.

Who WHO chose these camera angles? No really, who? I would like to know so I can find them and bitch slap them.

Hey, whadda ya know, they’re talking about Team Penske again…

wow… even I’m bored. Where are the close battles? Where is the passing?

No no NO… what was that??? Random Scott Dixon montage with that horrifying “I am Mindy” song then abrupt cut to commercial. LOL!

commercial break: Lap 40
back from commercial: Lap 42

Twinkletoes is 15 seconds ahead of the pack. LOL… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Marty Reid is taking great glee in tossing out all of the why Helio won’t win facts, while insisting he doesn’t want to jinx him. (pictures Marty with a tiny voodoo doll)

hey, did you know that Penske had a transporter fire? No really. I heard it during the broadcast. ABOUT A MILLION FUCKING TIMES!!

LOL… they desperately held on to a really bad camera angle to show Kanaan and Servia “battle” (actually they’re just driving close to each other, but it’s the most interesting thing on track at the moment)

another mention of the “pitlane bump” and the Penske fire. (should be a drinking game)

“laps in hand” what a stupid fucking phrase to overuse there Marty.

I’m pretty sure Marty just spiked a boner because Junky got squiggly on the “pitlane bump” Marty’s so fond of.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA… hey did ya know that Oriol was called into the pits for 4 tires and a full load of fuel?? Gee what would I do without that stellar pit reporting. :bangs head on desk:

commercial break: Lap 47
back from commercial: Lap 49

Marty: When did you know it was time to hang it up
Scott: when I realized how badly I sucked.
(ok, he didn’t say that, but…)

I can’t believe they are doing another on-board lap and describing it… again…

commercial break: Lap 51
back from commercial: Lap 53

Um.. since when did they start to refer to the crewmen by name during pit stops? that was weird.

Ok seriously, I’m almost too bored to type. What is the point of having 24 (26?) cars in the race when you only talk about 4 of them? Names not heard in reference to the race: Scheckter, Bell, Meira, Andretti, Camara… are they even still running?

commercial break: Lap 55
back from commercial: Lap 58

IT’S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! Mutoh gets his first mention of the race!

Will Power gets a drive through penalty for taking his 3rd excursion through the runoff/chicane thingy. Get your head in the game mate! You’ve got the car and the talent, you just need to take advantage of both at the same time.

EJ in the lead again! Atta boy! LOL.. for one lap, but at least he got airtime!
The HVM pit starts dancing… “nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah… gittin Wiggy wid it”

and Marty is on and on again about the Hollywood ending… and off we go to commercial. Yup. I got one exciting lap of racing, which showed… no racing.

commercial break: Lap 59
back from commercial: Lap 63

and we’re back! Just in time to show a laundry list of Nascar race dates ???? WTF??

I swear they keep calling him “Brian Briscoe”

Hey, didja hear? Penske fire! *falls over in fits of laughter* (I’m getting punchy now)

are the on-board camera’s not working? I swear I haven’t seen more than 3 onboard shots. And no pit radio discussion. Just the endless and needless non-stop chatter from Snotty and Smarmy. SNORE!

commercial break: Lap 63 (yup barely a lap that time)
back from commercial: Lap 66

according to the scrolling thingy, Darren Manning is also in this race as is Ed Carpenter! Oh, and that Scheckter guy is out. No explanation.

************************

At this point I fell asleep.
Truth be told this was my second attempt at watching this race.
I held off on posting this figuring I would try to finish it tonight, but you know what? Fuck it. I know the outcome. I can’t imagine anything remotely interesting happened in the last 20 laps (or whether or not TSN actually showed them) I saw all the post race interviews on Speed Report, so I don’t care anymore.

Now that I’ve seen this track, I agree… it’s kinda sucky. Of course the pigs that are the IndyCar’s don’t really allow for great racing, so it could be an unfair assessment as the Indy Lights and Grand AM races didn’t induce comas… just sayin is all.

Anyway, enough of that mess. I’m looking forward now. Detroit baby! 48 hrs from now I will be heading to the train station. It’s like crack this racing thing. Can’t get enough of it. Although looking at the actual schedule for the weekend, I’m not really going to get a whole hell of a lot of it. An hour of practice and 90 mins of qualies on Saturday. 1/2 hr warm up and 90 laps on Sunday. Oh and the rest of the track time goes to the ALMS and the Speed GT’s. I guess that leaves me more time to eavesdrop and write and visit and take pictures and just soak it all in.