I debated on whether or not to blog on this day… about this day, but in a weird indirect way it’s because of that day, that week actually… that I blog at all.
I remember everything about that morning.
I remember the irony of it all.
See, I was coming off of a couple of personally tumultuous months, both physically and emotionally. The night before I had decided that enough was enough. It was time to shake it off and get back into the swing of things. I got up early that morning (an oddity as I worked mostly nights at that time) & prepared to put on a happy face and go out and conquer the world. An hour later the world conquered me.
As a Canadian I had always felt misguidedly safe and distanced from violence and terrorism on any significant level. That would be the last time I felt that way. All of a sudden it wasn’t just random strangers under attack in some far off place, but rather my friends and loved ones. This wasn’t something that was happening to “them” but rather to “us”. For the first time, I was truly afraid and convinced that I, living in Toronto, was in danger.
I remember the eerie silence in the skies later that day. I remember the heart stopping terror I felt at the sound of the first planes flying over head a few days later. Mostly I remember the tears of joy streaming down my face when I finally heard from my friends in New York. (one who worked across the street from the towers)
I remember my birthday passing quietly a few days later with no fanfare by choice. I remember making a huge decision about the direction my life would take from that day forward. And I remember, on the 15th, sitting down to take my mind off the horrors of life and all the evil in the world, to selfishly lose myself in the joy of racing… I remember wondering a few hours later if I would ever know joy again.
I didn’t think my heart could break anymore than it already had that week, but it did.
The trembling, the tears, and a new fear took over.
How? Why? When would this madness stop?
My days and nights in the coming days, weeks, months would be consumed with finding answers about anything and everything. Part of my searching was of course to find updates on Alex, which lead me to discover the world of motorsports forums. The rest as they say… is history.
Odd that out of so much tragedy and sadness and loss, both physically and spiritually, would come clarity and a new life path.
Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
– George Bernard Shaw
A passion reborn, a hobby flourished, a career redirected.
but never lose hope either…
The events of that week changed the world forever. Changed me forever.
“In life… when you find something that you love so much, as much as I did love motor racing, and as I still love motor racing, you will find in yourself the determination to go out and really bring the best out of yourself.”
– Alessandro Zanardi