Yes… pick yourselves up off the floor, I’m here and I’m live! I’m not on writing duty today for http://www.openwheelworld.net, so I get to just watch and play today
As TSN has dumped the race to the deuce and time delayed it, I am comfortably ensconced in my office, using THREE monitors. Yes, you heard me… THREE!
Despite IndyCar, Versus and NBC doing everything in their power ruin the experience of IndyCar fandom for us out here on the interweb, I have a lovely super secret not legal stream so I can watch the coverage and know what is going on. (as we all saw earlier, if I were to count on the T&S from IndyCar, I would have thought Newgarden was out instead of Dempsey, and that Daly hadn’t even started… )
Here’s my set up:
Ok… running to have a quick pee before the start! (tmi sorry) BRB
Well… so much for that stream. FUCK. Now I’m “listening” to the race. Missed the start… bullshit.
Ok… got it back. Not great but better than nothing.
You want to know why is Nascar so popular? BECAUSE THEIR FANS DON’T HAVE TO WORK SO FUCKING HARD TO BE A FAN!
an exhausted fan
Ok… so where are we… Lap 6 of 85… Power/Hunter-Reay/Conway your top three
Oh, since it’s been a while since I’ve been vocal, can I just take a moment to call BULLSHIT on the Firestone Indy 500 commercial? ALL of the footage is from the Indy 500… All of the winners are Indy 500 winners… what the FUCK does the footage of Japanica have to do with that commercial. Gimme a fucking break…
Ok… back to the race.
Overhead shots showing a pretty good crowd there. Good to see. I wish I was one of them. Almost was… got a notice for last minute cheap flights to Cali… but it was to San Fran, not LB. Oh well… probably smarter to save my lack of funds for Indy. (yes, I’m going to the 500 this year)
Sidebar note: Nice Nascar commerical in the middle of our race… LOL..
ok… since the “masterbating man muscle” commerical is on, lets look at the T&S for any big movers… absolutely ZERO movement from 1-13… from 14-16 all improved one spot. Apparently Parko the Least was asleep at the wheel cause he went backwards through the field dropping 3 spots. So far the biggest mover is Seabass, who has picked up 3 spots from 21st to 18th. Love him or hate him, the kid can drive.
Lap 17 of 85: Rahal is right on the ass of Saavedra and damn! Televised pass!
Obligatory Danica Patrick update… bah… Can she go off the Napcar once and for all yet?
Bourdais is now up to 17th…
Tracy is still mired in 25th. (he did pick up a spot, but lost it again) Apparently he threw a block party, much to the dismay of @pantherracing…
Both TV & Radio went to commercial at the same time… bah…
We come back, there’s pit stops happening, Wilson spun… or was spun… couldn’t tell from that angle… oh of course it was Helio who helped… and now Simona has been spun in the hairpin… The princess was right behind her, but neither the tv or radio crew are even QUESTIONING if Simona was spun… LOL… hilarious.
Tracy is somehow up to 20th…
oh, here we go, festival of pit stops…. CLUSTERFUCKAGE ENSUES!
If you haven’t been there, you really don’t have a clear insight as to how small the pitlane is in Long Beach, on both sides of the wall. So many close calls, and one major fuck up, courtesy of Parko the Least. Totally destroyed Seabass’ day. I’m not the biggest Bourdais fan around #understatement, but dayum, he was moving his way through the field. Would have likely had a top 15 finish for DCR today.
other issues: Rahal ran into Meira, and Kanaan had an issue with the fueling.
WHERE IS THE FUCKING CIRCUS MUSIC??? Apparently @versusindycar doesn’t want to raise money for @racingforcancer…
Restart: Sphincter clinching?? Not so much. So much for double file… LOL.. Hunter-Reay making his own rules today, gets around Power.
Now RHR makes the move on Tags. Now Power makes the move on Tags. Now Twinkletoes makes the move… NO… shut down!
Wait, what? PT got a penalty for apparently chrome-horning Simona. He was like 3 cars back of her. Unless he divebombed down the inside or something. And where was Castroneves’ penalty for avoidable contact on Wilson?? and now someone says PT got a pitlane violation. So… what is it? I want to see video proof of that contact!
Lap 39: Briscoe, Hunter-Reay, Power
Lap 46: as we head to commercial… no changes at the front. Parko, who mysteriously got going again, is now toast again. Took full blame for the clusterfuckage on pitlane. Wilson is also on a different strategy now. Needs the yellows to go his way in order to take advantage.
Lap 47: the official LBGP tweeter posts this:
@ToyotaGPLB: 47 laps down, Will Power still in the lead. #GPLB
what race are you watching??
Somewhere around lap 48-50, the IMS Radio guys are screaming in the booth about some wicked action on track somewhere midpack, people are passing, dicing, touching, dancing for all we know… Versus apparently doesn’t care.
Back from commercial Lap 54: Kanaan exiting the pits, making lots of friendly “how ya doin” hand gestures apparently. Why? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! ™@pressdog
WOAH! Briscoe, in the lead, just spun about 17 times according to his onboard (I attempt not to hurl) … somehow he kept it off the wall and righted himself. Comes in for his stop immediately. Has lost the 5 second lead he built up… wah wah wah.. :sadtrombone:
Here comes the final rounds of pitstops… they all appear to be spacing out their pits so as to avoid more pitlane clusterfuckage #wordoftherace
Briscoe wins the battle with Hunter-Reay and retains the lead
Let’s see if Power can beat them both…. nope… slotted in between Briscoe and Hunter-Reay. But Hunter-Reay got him on the next lap.
oh… things are getting messy now…
The Princess decides that “rubbin is racing” and takes out EJ. (ok, so the consensus is that it was ALL EJ’s fault, and I’m being jumped on left, right and fucking centre about that on twitter by the Fanica’s) But since y’all know I can’t stand her, let me have my moment of hate… thanks.
Wilson went ass around into the tires. Bob Jenkins immediately blames Paul Tracy who is nowhere near Wilson. LOL! Maybe Dragon should just paint a target on Paul’s car, or aim laser pointers at him for the entire race.
Quick commercial while they clean up the carnage.
Green Green Green….
CARNAGE CARNAGE CARNAGE!!
HELIO YOU FUCKING DICK!! OH!!
*apologies to Twitterland for that, but COME ON!! THAT WAS JUST STUPID!*
Helio takes out Power, Servia manages to avoid the mess somehow and continue on without losing more than one position! YeeHaw! You show them how to drive Cookie Boy! *snap*
Rahal apparently got into Sato, then Saavedra got into Kimball
Dixon has right front suspension damage… how? who the fuck knows.
The dust has cleared… 16 laps to go: Briscoe, Hunter-Reay, Franchitti (?!) Tags, Hinch (!!!)
Wilson is back on track apparently…
Restart…. here we go…
Green Green Green!! No carnage!!
Woah! Something very wrong with Hunter-Reay! :BIGSADTROMBONE:
Briscoe holds on, Conway gets up to 2nd (!!), Franchitti 3rd, Hinch 4th(!!)
CONWAY TAKES THE LEAD!! CONWAY TAKES THE FUCKING LEAD!!!
He was dropped back to 21st and is now going to win this thing!
We’ve got ourselves a race here. Conweezy has been shot out of a cannon! Wings back, Supersonic as P-dog would say.
Okay… I’ve settled down… (I can only imagine what the other offices are thinking if there is anyone else in here on a Sunday)
Commercial (likely the last long break till the end with 10 to go)
Con-Weasle has a 5.5 second lead! Barring an airstrike (™ @pressdog) he’ll be hoisting a trophy in a few laps.
Hinch pulls off his fastest lap of the race on lap 78. Kid is on fire! (not really thankfully… this isn’t Friday) (too soon?)
Power is running 10th, so he will collect some points thankfully.
My brain hurts… watching the video plus listening to the IMS radio simultaneously as both freeze randomly and it’s the only way to guarantee not missing something… plus blogging, plus tweeting… zoinks! (and I keep forgetting which keyboard I should be using! LOL!) (three monitors!!)
Conway gets the win!! Briscoe hangs on for 2nd and Franchitti poops out a giant golden horseshoe for 3rd. But more importantly HINCH gets the 4th spot!!! Woot!!
PT manages to eek out 16th. Not bad for the first outing of the year, but man, they will have to do some serious practice sessions to find the speed in that car or the next 4 races will be a big waste of time/money/effort.
OK… Gonna watch the interviews, wrap up…
BWAHAHAHA! TwinkleToes going for the Oscar/Emmy/GoldenGlobe with that performance…
Love Hinch’s response to Kevin… “holy crap, yah!”
Good on ya kiddo! you made mama proud!
Alright, gonna go catch up on twitter! And pack up before it starts to snow again.
Yes, you heard me. Snow.
Thanks for playing along. For those of you that are new to the MeeshRage™, it is what it is.
I call it as I see it and use “colourful” language. Hopefully that doesn’t piss y’all off too much 😉
See ya for Brazil!